Thrive Wave Coaching

When a situation feels hopeless, a little calm and distance help uncover new solutions

“I’m so frustrated and angry! I don’t know what to do. I have tried everything.”

That’s what Ellie burst out when I asked her about her week. 

She then continued to describe how she had been onboarding a new colleague at work, as she transitioned to a new role. But the new colleague was not taking the action she had expected. And it was driving her mad. 

I could see how stressed she was. Her shoulders were scrunched to her ears, her breathing was rapid and shallow, and she was nervously rocking back and forth. 

Ellie continued rambling about how important the work they do is and how everything she had tried had failed. The situation was getting unbearable for her and the other team members. She didn’t know what else she could do. 

I acknowledged her frustration and agitation, and gently asked her if she would do some deep breathing exercises with me. 

As her breath started to slow down and her muscles relaxed, I suggested that we try to view this situation as if it were a movie scene on the screen. Then I asked her to step into the shoes of her new colleague to try to understand the situation from his point of view.

After a while, she opened her eyes and yelled out: 

“That’s it!

I’ve been so focused on myself that I have probably bombarded the poor man with everything all the time, without considering how he was doing.”

She continued with excitement in her eyes: 

“I need to change my approach. Instead of expecting everything to be perfect, I need to support him. We need to work as a team, together, so that we can achieve our goal. 

I’ve been so wrapped up with everything that’s going wrong, but I need to focus on finding solutions instead.”

And as Ellie had this realisation, I could see the rest of the stress melt away, and a huge smile appear on her face. She had just made a 180, going from seeing red to being inspired and excited. And that in less than 30 minutes. 

The 180-Degree Turn — Breakdown

So, what happened here? How was Ellie able to make this change so quickly?

Well, there are a couple of factors at play here, but the most notable thing is the emotional state. 

You see, strong emotional states, such as anger and frustration, hijack our thinking. Suddenly, our rational part of the brain is no longer in the driver’s seat; the emotions are. 

That’s why it becomes impossible to recognise other options or solutions to our problems. 

Calming the body and mind, for example, through breathwork, helps us regulate our emotions and creates space for the rational part of the brain to gain control. This helps us to come up with different solutions to our problem.

Another factor is trying to understand the other person’s perspective. Even though we cannot know for certain what is going on in the other person’s life or what has happened in their past, we can still try to understand them by putting ourselves in their shoes.

Simultaneously, we distance ourselves from the situation, which allows us to review it from a more neutral perspective. One that is not triggered by past trauma, overwhelming emotions, or automatic thinking patterns. 

Distancing ourselves helps us to empathise with others and find mutually acceptable solutions in conflict situations. 

A Little Distance Goes a Long Way

Since we still had some time left in our session, we brainstormed the best approach and how to communicate this to the colleague and the team. By the end of the session, Ellie looked genuinely relieved and had this familiar spark in her eyes again. 

After the session, I received a message from her saying how incredible the change had been for her. It had felt like an utterly hopeless situation, but through our session, she now felt like she knew what she had to do and that she had all the tools to do so. 

Now, Ellie is no exception. I have seen this happen time after time. And I’m certain you can do it too. 

So next time you feel like there’s no escape from your situation, follow these three steps:

1. Take a couple of deep breaths to calm your body and mind.
2. Take a step back from the situation to gain a new perspective and try to understand what had happened.
3. With this new perspective, decide on your next action steps.

And remember, you don’t have to do this alone! Sometimes it’s easier when you have someone to talk to, someone who can guide you through the process and who holds the space for you long enough to process the situation.  

There’s nothing wrong with asking or reaching out for support. You’re not alone with your struggles. Help is available. 

Are you facing a difficult situation and need some support?

📫 Send a message

👉 Let’s talk!

🚀 Enroll in Coaching

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