Thrive Wave Coaching

How to find the balance between career and everything else in life, without feeling guilt

It’s Thursday night, and you’re at home having dinner with your loved ones. You’re sitting at the table eating, drinking, nodding, and smiling. On the outside, it looks like you’re having a good time. 

But in your head, you’re going through the Q3 numbers and the material for tomorrow’s meeting. For a moment, your thoughts are disrupted by the laughter around the table. You smile, without even knowing what everyone is laughing about. Shortly after, you gather yourself and start going through your mental to-do list for work. 

Physically, you’re present, but mentally, you’re a million miles away. You’re trapped in your thoughts, missing out on what’s really happening right now around you.

The Relationships Grow Distant

You become so defeated by the pressure that a day, week, or month might go unnoticed. In your mind, you’re still trying to catch up with your to-do list and plan for the upcoming meetings.

But what seems to you like a blip in the universe might seem like a lifetime for your loved ones, for your friends, and for your family. The distance between you keeps growing, even if you’re physically still right there next to each other. 

The deep connections start to evaporate, and the memorable moments become distant history. You’re so preoccupied with everything else that you don’t even notice. 

Until one day, you find yourself questioning, what happened? When did my baby learn to do this? Why doesn’t anyone share anything with me anymore? And you start to realize that you’re head has been in the clouds for too long. 

The Guilt That Nobody Talks About

But the toughest part is the guilt that follows. The guilt of missing out, the guilt of putting your work first, the guilt of not being there. It’s the part that is rarely talked about.

We feel guilt because we feel responsible. Responsible for the relationships, for providing, and for keeping our families safe. So, we trade our time and energy for our careers, and before we know it, we’re sitting at the dinner table nodding, smiling, and being completely absent. 

We don’t choose our careers over our loved ones because we want to cause them harm. We do it because we feel that we have to.

Keys to Becoming Present Again

It feels like you’re being squeezed between a rock and a hard place. A hopeless place to be. No matter what you do, you’ll always seem to end up losing. 

But what if I told you, you could escape this trap?

Would you try?

If yes, here’s what you can do.

Firstly, I want you to remind yourself (or define if you haven’t yet) of your core values. These act as the fundamental beliefs and principles that should guide your actions, behaviors, and decisions.

Then start prioritizing and setting boundaries that allow you to be more aligned with your values. This means asking yourself difficult questions and being brutally honest with yourself. 

Some example questions to ask yourself:

• Are those Q3 numbers more important than having a deep conversation with your partner?
• Is the mental to-do list for work something that I need to focus on right now while having dinner?
• If I stay working late, what am I saying no to?

Lastly, reconnect with yourself, your loved ones, and your surroundings, and practice being more present and intentional. This could mean breathing exercises, focusing on one task at a time, or taking time to ground yourself after work and let go of any work-related distractions. 

When spending time with friends, family, or loved ones, put away your laptop and phone, create eye contact, and listen actively. Be curious about the other person(s) and experience all the emotions in that moment. 

What’s it Going to Be?

So, let me ask you this: Next time when you sit down to dinner with your friends or loved ones, do you want to be physically there but mentally somewhere else? Or do you want to experience the moment in full with all of your senses, with the emotions, and with the deep connections?

If you opt for the second, I want you to know that you don’t have to choose between your career and everything else. You don’t have to risk your relationships. You don’t have to feel the guilt of missing out, not being there, or putting your work above your family. You don’t even have to quit your job.

You can learn to balance the two and live a fuller and more value-aligned life. One that allows you to be present in the moment, experiencing, sensing, and feeling. One where guilt is no longer a heavy weight you have to carry around. One where your relationships can flourish again. 

It’s up to you. What’s it going to be?

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Do you struggle with being there, but not being there? Do you want to become more present, aligned, and connected, but don’t know how or where to start?

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