Thrive Wave Coaching

Value congruence improves well-being, but many don’t know where to begin

If you have read any self-help or personal growth stories, books, or articles, you might have come across one or more of the following phrases:

• “Define your core values”
• “Remind yourself of your values”
• “Align with your values”
• “Value mismatch” 
• “Value conflict”

And I must admit, these are some phrases that I often use in my posts as well. 

But if you’ve never defined your values before, how do you actually do it? Where do you even start when you have zero clue?

These were some of the questions I wrestled with when I was taking my first baby steps in my personal development story. 

So, I get it. I’ve been there. And now I’d like to share with you an exercise that helped me discover and define my core values. 

Why Defining Your Values Matters

Before we start, let’s talk a little about why defining your core values matters.

When I was younger, I often felt like I wasn’t good enough for the job or that I didn’t have what it took to do it. 

Back then, I struggled to stay motivated; it was like repeating your most hated chore over and over again. I was always late, because getting to work felt more challenging than running a half-marathon.  Completing my tasks was as heavy and slow as walking up five flights of stairs covered in superglue. 

But once I defined my core values, I recognized that the problem wasn’t my qualifications, skills, or laziness. The real problem was an underlying value conflict. 

You see, one of my core values is freedom, so it makes sense that I was struggling in an environment with strict timetables, rules, and a manager who was always looking over my shoulder. 

With this newly gained understanding, I have made more cautious career choices, ensuring that I have the autonomy and flexibility that I need to thrive in my work. 

Furthermore, defining my core values has allowed me to discover and focus on ways to feel more alive and fulfilled than before. Behaving more aligned with my values has also improved my well-being and life satisfaction drastically. 

And this is not just my personal experience; an increasing number of studies have discovered the same. 

Defining Your Core Values

Now, let’s jump into the exercise so that you can define your core values and begin to enjoy the clarity and benefits as well.

When you have zero clue where to start, it’s generally good advice to start searching for some ideas and inspiration. 

This could be as simple as doing a quick Google search. Simply type in “Core value list” and you’ll find plenty of sites, images, and videos with lists of values. 

Now, a brief word of caution. Not all lists are equal. You might notice some that are quite short or don’t feel like a fit. And this is ok, just check another one. 

And if you’re not into research, here’s a list you can get started with right away:

When you have your list of values, find 5–20 values that resonate with you. Values that inspire or make you go “YES!” in your mind as you read them. Write them down on a piece of paper or in a note on your device. 

The next step is to narrow it down to 1–3 core values that are most meaningful to you. This step is like the playoffs. You take two words, put them next to each other, and let them compete. The one you’re more drawn to, or inclined to, wins the round. 

Do this with all the words you listed until you have your top 3. These are the champions of your value cup and get to enjoy the fame as your new core values.

A quick side note here: As we go through our lives, grow, experience, and change, our values might change as well. If you, at any point, feel like some of the values don’t serve you anymore, you can repeat this process and redefine them.

Next Steps Towards Value Congruence

Now that you have defined your core values, you can start to do what all the self-help, personal growth, and wellbeing guides prompt you to do. 

• Align your actions and behaviors with your values
• Review the different areas of life for value mismatches or conflicts
• Do more of the things that bring you value in life
• Do less of the things that create value conflicts

The goal is to find small but impactful ways to align yourself with your values in your daily life. These small actions and shifts will already allow you to enjoy the benefits of defining and aligning with your values. 

These benefits include improved self-awareness, authenticity, and motivation. On top of that, decision-making, prioritizing, and goal attainment become easier, and stress and anxiety levels decrease. 

In the long run, you’ll also notice your overall well-being and life satisfaction increase. 

I hope this exercise helped you get started on discovering your core values and gave you an idea of what your core values are. 

P.S. If you’re looking for ideas on how to align with your values in small yet meaningful ways, I’ve collected some further reading below. Feel free to check them out!

What to Do, or Not to Do? — The To-Don’t List as a tool to eliminate tasks like a pro

Struggling to Say No? Ask This One Question — If it’s difficult to set boundaries, try this

Find Your Purpose — A free guide to discover your purpose

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