Thrive Wave Coaching

How to Silence Your Inner Critic and Reclaim Your Right to Relax.

It’s Wednesday night, and you just got home after a long and stressful day. You sit down on the grey comfy sofa, and all you want is a moment of silence and peace. 

You close your eyes and try to unwind and relax. But shortly, you notice how the tension slowly creeps over your shoulders, neck, and chest. Your heart starts racing, and your breathing becomes shallow. 

All your to-dos and should-dos start racing through your mind. It’s like an unexpected storm quickly rising, and that moment of relaxation was nothing more than 5 seconds of calm before the storm.

Then the guilt sets in. You start asking yourself: 

Why are you just sitting there when you have a million things to do? Why are you being so lazy, weak, incompetent, and unmotivated? Why are you not doing anything when everyone is relying on you? 

The negative self-talk takes over and guilt-trips you into getting back up and doing something productive. 

“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.” Sydney J. Harris

The Rabbit Hole of False Productivity

And there we go down the rabbit hole. We cut our rest, so we have more time to be productive, try harder, and get more done. 

We believe we must do it all, and, for some wicked reason, we think our own shortcomings caused this situation. So we try to cover for them.

But the reality is, once we are exhausted, our productivity decreases, we become unfocused, and we make more mistakes. Which, in turn, requires even more time and energy to get everything fixed and done. 

And not to forget the emotional turmoil exhaustion takes us on, when we’ve used up all of our resources. Our emotional states begin to rock like a tiny boat caught up in the middle of a storm on the open sea. It’s like the butterfly effect. A tiny hiccup turns into an emotional tornado, tearing down the pillars of self-worth and self-control.

From the outside, it’s easy to recognise that the logical next step is to rest and recover. But what do we do? 

The exact opposite. 

We are emotionally driven to not let anyone down, to meet expectations, and to be acknowledged. So we cut even more time from our rest, sleep, and other activities that are crucial for our well-being and productivity. 

We work even harder, longer, and juggle three tasks at once, just that we can get everything done. 

But the harsh truth is that this will only lead to one outcome: Burnout.

So, how do you prevent ending up in this rabbit hole? How do you relax when your busy mind won’t let you?

While difficulties relaxing may contribute to burnout, there are a variety of other factors that can cause burnout. If you are experiencing any signs of burnout, please seek help and support from trained professionals.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Remember that feeling of discomfort, tension, or even anxiety when you try to relax? Or the endless to-do list that keeps running through your head non-stop? And if you have an inner monologue, it’s the negative self-talk getting louder and ruder.

That happens because of the stories we tell ourselves and the beliefs we hold on to. We pick these up in our childhoods and throughout our lives from our experiences, surroundings, and society. 

Especially in today’s high-paced environments, it’s no wonder that more and more people are falling into these lies about rest and end up sabotaging their own productivity.

Here are some examples of the stories we tell ourselves:

• I must be productive at all times or I’ll be seen as lazy/incompetent
• I must take care of this, because no one else will
• Busy is a sign of success/doing good/strength
• I’m not good enough, so I have to work harder
• Others will think poorly of me if I don’t do this
• Everything has to be perfect

These are just some of the stories I’ve heard or personally struggled with. 

The problem with these stories is that they often set impossibly high standards that we try to hold ourselves to. And when we cannot reach these, we feel like we are failing or not enough. 

The upside is, once we recognize these stories, we can reframe them and tell ourselves better stories. Stories that empower us and allow us to recalibrate our standards to a more manageable level.

Reframe & Rewire: The 3-Step Strategy

Now, so that this won’t be just theoretical fluff, I’ll share a 3-step strategy that has helped me and many more to silence that inner critic and reclaim the right to relax once again. 

Step 1: The Reflection

Take a moment to reflect and ask yourself. What are the stories you tell yourself, and how do these make you feel?

Tip: Feel free to write down everything that comes to mind. It helps to recognise patterns and supports the reframing.

Step 2: The Evidence

Next, ask yourself, are these stories 100% true? 

If your answer is yes, ask yourself if there’s anything that proves the opposite or something different. Most likely, they’re not 100% facts, but rather a narrative that has fixated on the negative and erased all of your successes, achievements, and accomplishments. Take your time here and gather as much evidence as you need in this step to uncover the lie.

Step 3: The Reframe

Now that you have recognised that the story is not 100% true, it’s time to introduce a more empowering story. Tweak your original story, use the evidence you gathered, and tell yourself what you would tell your best friend in the same situation. 

Here’s an example. Let’s take the belief that we must be productive at all times, or we’ll be seen as lazy.

Is it 100% true? No. 

As we learned earlier, our productivity actually decreases once we are exhausted. So, rest is important for us to be productive when it matters. And what others think is most likely an exaggeration or a reflection of their own inner world and stories. That’s on them, not you. 

Oh, and one more thing. Please do not compare yourself to others. I know it’s hard, as we are surrounded by all the glamour and success on social media, TV shows, and perhaps even in our workplaces. But remember, we only see a fraction of their lives. It’s not reasonable to compare your situation to theirs. 

Here are some ideas on how to reframe the story to a more empowering one: 

• Rest is not a sign of being lazy. It’s a prerequisite for being productive when it matters most. 
• I must be productive at times, but not 24/7. It’s ok to rest in between.
• I’m not lazy, I’m preparing to be productive again.
• Others may be ahead of me, but I need to respect my boundaries and resources, so I can perform at my best.

Notice how much better these stories make you feel? How they silence the self-doubt and inner critic? And how they permit you to rest, so that you can thrive again?

“Not everything matters equally, and success isn’t a game won by whoever does the most. Yet that is exactly how most play it on a daily basis.” Gary Keller, The ONE Thing

Here’s Why It Works

Now that we’ve gone through why it’s difficult to rest and how to reframe the stories we tell ourselves, let’s take a look at why this approach works.

Recognising and questioning the stories we tell ourselves allows us to recalibrate the distorted negative narrative that keeps us stuck in a loop of negative self-talk, stress, and anxiety. 

After all, what we think is reflected in our emotional state. And at the same time, our emotional state affects how we think. This is why it’s so easy to get stuck in the loop and so difficult to escape once you’re in it. 

That’s where the evidence gathering comes in. The evidence that makes the story only 99% true is enough to plant a seed of doubt. And that seed of doubt is all it takes to reframe the story. 

It’s like in court, where the defender tries to find any evidence or aspect that could benefit the client, to make just one jury member doubt the other side’s story. And that one jury member can make all the difference to the outcome of the process. 

The purpose of the new, empowering story is to reset our thinking and our emotional state to a calmer and realistic one. One that doesn’t constantly take you on guilt-trips, push you too hard, or convince you to neglect your basic needs.

Reclaim Your Rest

The war is internal, but the battlefield is your well-being. The stress, anxiety, and guilt that creep up make it nearly impossible to rest and relax, even if we wanted to.

But it’s not because we are lazy or unworthy. It’s because of the stories and beliefs that we’ve picked up and learned to live with. It’s those same stories that keep us pushing to the brink of burnout and prevent us from resting. 

The moment to fight back is now. To break free from self-sabotage and reclaim your rest, commit to the Reframe & Rewire Strategy

3-Step strategy for reframing & rewiring your stories:

1. Reflection: What is the story I tell myself?
2. Evidence: Is it 100% true?
3. Reframe: What’s a more empowering story?

With this simple 3-step strategy, you stop the self-sabotage, significantly improve your focused productivity, and reclaim your right to rest without guilt. Your worth does not equal your busyness. Start treating rest as the powerful procustivity tool it really is.

---

• Facebook
• LinkedIn
• X
• Threads
• Mail

---