The secret to an easy life? There’s no secret, just lessons to be learned
The other day, I was having lunch with my friends. I was just taking a bite of my salmon nigiri when I heard: “Well, it isn’t so easy for the rest of us as it is for K. We’re not all like her.”
I was baffled. This wasn’t the first time I had heard this claim, yet I never understood what they meant by it.
When I asked about it, one friend replied: “Well, everything you do comes so easy to you. Like you don’t even have to try.” Another one said: “ You just have it so easy. When you start something new, it always works out. It’s not like that for us.”
This left me even more confused. Did people really think everything came to me without any effort or pain? That I just magically succeed at everything? Or that I’m somehow smart or special, which gave me an unfair advantage?
As I was sitting there with the salmon nigiri still sitting on my tongue and trying to piece the puzzle together, I realized that most people only see a small fraction of my life. They saw the part of me that was stable, calm, and doing well. A person, who had their sh*t together.
But it wasn’t always like this. In the last fifteen years, I dropped out of my studies, started businesses that never took off, and switched jobs or locations so often that recruiters ask me if I’ll stick around or if I’m just passing through.
As a teenager, I battled with addiction and depression, was homeless, and walked away from all my friends and family, just so I could start over with a clean slate.
I have felt pain, despair, and lost hope more times than I like to admit. Easy would not be the word I’d describe my life with. I’m not special or smart, either. I’m just me.
But maybe there is some truth to their claims. All the struggles have taught me valuable life lessons. My experiences pushed me out of my comfort zone, changed my approach to life, and gave me clarity. They have enabled me to grow into the person I am today.
A person who is resilient, curious, and willing to take a shot at and work towards their goals. Someone who knows their values, lives by them, and isn’t afraid to try the unconventional road to get there.
Come to think of it, my life is easier now, and I’ll share the top 5 life lessons that made it so.
Lesson 1: Mindset Matters
Mindset, or in other words, our mental attitude towards things, events, people, and life. It determines how we act or react, think, feel, and how we see ourselves and the world around us.
There are two sets of mindsets: fixed and growth mindset. In short, a fixed mindset means that we don’t believe that things will change or that we can change. A growth mindset means believing the opposite and seeking ways to improve and learn.
At any given time, we might experience both mindsets in different areas of our lives, and they may change over time. For example, we can have a growth mindset when it comes to our careers, focusing on stepping up on the career ladder, while having a fixed mindset when it comes to our health, struggling to lose those 10 pounds, and sticking to our prepped lunches.
The good news? You get to choose! While we may be on autopilot most of the time, with our mindsets in the driver’s seat, we can take back control with a bit of awareness and reflection. We get to choose if we want to focus on growth instead.
Changing my mindset from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset enabled me to access my potential and unlock doors that I used to believe were impenetrable. It was like opening a vault door that kept all the good stuff of life safely hidden from the rest of the world.
The mindset shift gave me a new approach to failure, made dealing with change and uncertainty easier, and awakened a long-lost curiosity and excitement about life. I am now in control of my life instead of watching it pass by and reacting to things life throws at me.
Curious to find out more? Check out this post: Cutting Ties With the Fear of Failure
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Lesson 2: Break Free from Limiting Beliefs
Another thing keeping us stuck and unable to change our habits is our beliefs. We all operate from a set of beliefs that have been formed through experiences, our surroundings, and what we have picked up from our families and society. Generally, these help us to operate and navigate everyday life. But sometimes, they are limiting and prevent us from doing things we really want to do.
Our beliefs are deeply rooted and can be difficult to recognize at first. But, through reflection and awareness, they become easier to spot and open the door for change. And that is the hard part: rewiring your brain to build more empowering beliefs and replace the ones we have enforced throughout our entire lives.
Limiting beliefs can be recognized by phrases or thinking such as:
- It’s not meant for me
- I’m not good enough
- I can’t
Reframing your beliefs is like having a get-out-of-jail-free card. Instead of being stuck in your prison cell, you get to roam free, exploring options, living aligned with your core values, and paving the way for change.
I used to be full of self-doubt and clung to my limiting beliefs, which left me unhappy, full of regret, and stuck. Once I started questioning my beliefs, the walls of the prison cell started to crumble. It allowed me to try out and experience new things, take a shot at things that seemed unimaginable before, and helped me improve my self-esteem. I advanced in my career, tried out business ideas, and focused on the things that mattered most to me.
Curious to find out more? Check out this post: Limiting Beliefs and how to Reframe Them
Lesson 3: Live by Your Values and Vision
Values. Some might refer to them as a map and others as the northern star. No matter what term you prefer, the idea is the same. Values guide us through life.
When we act according to our values, life goes smoothly, and making decisions becomes easier. And when we act and behave against them, we sense friction that makes us uncomfortable. It might show up as anxiety, hesitation, tension, stress, or feeling empty.
However, most of the time, we do not think about our values or our vision for life. We are too busy living life as it comes. This leads to us easily neglecting or pushing aside the things that matter the most to us and focusing our time and energy on something else. This creates the discomfort we feel about ourselves and our lives.
So, if you are feeling friction in life, it’s a good time to check in with yourself. Have you discovered your core values already? What parts of your life run smoothly and align with your core values? What parts do not? What kind of a life do you want to experience?
You know how in a job interview, you get asked where you see yourself five years from now? I could never answer this question. I used to just come up with an answer I thought the recruiter would want to hear. The reality was, I didn’t have a clue!
This led me into a career I never chose for myself, I just went along with things that would look good on my CV. The result? I ended up hating my job and my life.
It wasn’t until I took the time to define my core values and create a vision for my life that the pieces started to fall into place. For the first time, I knew where I was heading, what I wanted from life, and how I’d make it happen. What amazed me even more was how easy it became to make decisions. I was no longer considering all possible (sometimes quite over the head) options or second-guessing. Instead, I made decisions based on how well they supported my values and vision, which left no room for doubt.
Curious to find out more? Check out these posts:
Lesson 4: Let Go of External Expectations & Validation
As human beings, we have the urge for social interactions and a need to belong. This often drives us to do things, act a certain way, or adjust ourselves so we can fit in. At the same time, we might suppress or hide certain aspects of ourselves to not be judged or excluded from our families, friend groups, or colleagues.
We seek external validation and live up to the expectations of others to satisfy these human needs. But unfortunately, we tend to forget that we need to like ourselves, too. We need to be capable of showing ourselves the same level of compassion, support, and acceptance as we do for others. Can you do that?
Here’s a simple test. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself: “I love me.” Or compliment yourself. Most people have to cringe or feel uncomfortable doing this.
Shifting the focus from external validation to internal validation improves your self-esteem and confidence. It allows you to be yourself and focus on the things that matter most to you.
For me, learning to show myself compassion and internal validation gave me the courage to walk my own path. It helped me to let go of everything that was keeping me stuck and feeling miserable. It gave me a sense of freedom because I was no longer living on the terms of others. Moreover, it allowed me to start healing.
Curious to find out more? Check out this post: Stop Being So Hard on Yourself
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Lesson 5: Declutter Your Life
You might have heard of Marie Kondo, the queen of decluttering and organizing homes. I remember watching some episodes of her show Tidying Up with Marie Kondo some years back.
Even though she was focusing on decluttering and organizing houses, some of the same principles can be implemented in our lives, as listed below.
- Imagine your ideal life
- Take inventory of one life area at a time
- Discard all excessive stuff and things that don’t bring you joy
The idea is to declutter your life from all the noise and unnecessary stuff that don’t take you in the direction you want to go. This means learning to say no, setting boundaries, and aligning yourself with your values.
I know from personal experience that it is easy to overcommit to tasks you don’t have the time or energy for, or how difficult it is to say ‘No’ when someone asks you to for a favor. But sometimes, you need to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. It might seem selfish (and will make some people around you mad), but it is necessary. No one else will do it for you.
The upside of decluttering your life is that you’ll have plenty of time and energy on your hands to do the things that matter most to you. Imagine spending your days on the things you value most, whether it’s activities with your family, working on your passion project, volunteering in your community, or focusing on your career. How much would your life improve if you decluttered your life in the Marie Kondo style?
And this isn’t even the best part yet. After you declutter and refocus, your life becomes more meaningful, and you start to feel happier and more fulfilled.
Curious to find out more? Check out this post: What to Do, or Not to Do
The Secret of an Easy Life
Often, we learn these lessons through hardship and difficult experiences. And sure, these give you perspective and make it easier to understand the value of these life lessons, but are by no means a prerequisite.
You can start right now and right here, just the way you are.
Start by thinking about which one of these life lessons has the biggest negative impact on your life at the moment.
- Mindset
- Limiting Beliefs
- Unclear Values and Vision
- External Validation & Expectations
- Too Much Going on In Life
Next, think about ways you could improve your situation. To help you get started, I shared some relevant posts under each life lesson for further reading and more tips on how to implement these in your life. Feel free to use these resources if needed.
Last but not least, do your thing. You’ve got this!
I wasn’t able to put these ideas into words during the lunch with my friends as my mind was still trying to gather the million thoughts in my head. That’s why I decided to write and share this story. To spill the secret of an easy life. There is no secret. It’s just things we usually do not think about or pay attention to.’
P.s. What’s the most impactful life lesson you’ve learned? Share it in the comments or a post. I’d love to read about them!
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