Have you ever been in that situation, where you need to do something, but you just can’t? You know you have to do it, but this invisible force keeps you from taking the first step. And the longer you wait the more stressed, anxious and frustrated you get. You keep wondering, why is it so difficult to start?
Well, this ‘invisible force’ is not really that invisible. It’s actually our brains that are stopping us! 🤯
Oh yes, you read that right. The body part that is responsible for making our actions happen, is preventing us from taking action. A bit controversial , isn’t it? So, what can we do about it?
Our Brains Love The Familiar
Before we jump into the steps to take, let’s understand what’s going on in our brains.
Our brains love the familiar. Familiar is predictable and therefore safe. Or, so at least, our brain tends to operate. In fact sometimes the familiar isn’t safe. For example staying in an abusive relationship or keeping up an unhealthy habit.
Our brains work hard to keep us safe. This is what kept the human race alive, while we were still living in caves and being hunted by wild animals. It was survival of the thickest. Sticking to the familiar was what kept us safe.
But, the world around us has evolved enormously since then. Yet, our brains are still functioning pretty much the same.
Even if the logical mind can differentiate and reason with what is safe and what not, our emotional and often unconscious mind cannot. Because the logical thinking takes time and effort, we tend to operate from the faster, more energy efficient system.
This system relies on previous experiences and considers these safe, because it knows the result.
This is why we get stuck in our old habits [familiar] and why alarm clocks go off every time we try to start something new, different or out of the norm [unfamiliar].
This, is one of the biggest reasons why so many fail when they try new training programs, diets or habits.
If you’re staring at that blank page, struggling to write that report for work or school, it might just be that you are not familiar enough with writing. If you’re having difficulties with your new job, it might just be because it’s still all so unfamiliar.
Struggling to start is not a sign of laziness, lack of motivation or that you’re not good enough. It’s simply our brain fighting us, not do anything out of the ordinary.
Take Mike for example, Mike was determined to loose some weight and get healthier. He had a clear goal and motivation. He even bought a training program and a gym membership to support his transformation.
Days went by and he was still planning to start his training program. Months later, he was still pumped and still waiting for the right moment, the right circumstances, the right time to start.
Everyday he had an excuse, why today was not a good day to start. He was too tired, it was too late, he’d just had the most stressful day ever, the muscles would hurt tomorrow or he would catch a cold.
He still wanted to loose the weight though, so that his overall health would improve and that he could prevent becoming diabetic. So, why could he not start?
The First Step Is The Hardest
Mike knew, that once he took the first step, it would be easier to keep going. He had done it before. But right now, taking that first step felt impossible. Thanks brain!
When Mike explained this to me, I asked him how he felt about doing 10 squats. He looked at me a bit baffled. “Ten squats?” He asked. And I elaborated my question a bit. I wanted to know, if ten squats was something that he could do easily. He laughed: “Yeah sure, I mean ten squats is nothing. I can do that right now!”
And he started counting out loud as he did his squats. “1, 2, 3,…10! See?” With a smile on his face, he completed his squats and we topped it off with a high five.
I then asked him, if he thought he could do ten squats each day for the next week. Enthusiastically he replied: “Yeah, sure. But it’s not really a workout or anything, so what’s the point?”
I then went on to explain to him, how the ten squats were more about making the unfamiliar, familiar. By doing this exercise every day, the body and mind are getting familiar with using and moving the muscles.
Furthermore, it was about building a new habit that would support his goal of working out and getting healthier.
Habits are build through repetition. So keeping this small act up for a week or longer, is strengthening the new neural pathway in the brain. These pathways turn into automatic thinking patterns as strengthen over time.
Make It So Easy You Cannot Fail
The reason why most people find it difficult to start, is because they try to do too much.
When you need to write a report, you are probably thinking about writing the whole thing. Which is overwhelming and might make you even anxious.
It’s a huge tasks to do, so no wonder that it’s easier to put off or get distracted by cleaning the dishes. I know, I’ve been there.
But what if we changed this up a bit. Let’s make it less daunting and break it down. How about, instead of writing the whole thing, commit to writing one sentence. No more, just one sentence.
Tomorrow, do the same. After tomorrow, again. And so on. Before you know it, you’ll have your first page done, and slowly the report will come together.
The interesting thing with this approach is, that once you have started, it’s surprisingly easy to keep going.
While, I’ve been writing this story, I got stuck for a moment. I could not get myself to continue writing and I was starting to feel the pressure. I promised myself to write just one sentence today and then, I’d call it a day. But once I got the sentence down, ideas started flowing and I kept writing.
The same happened to Mike. A week later, he told me that one day, when he was doing his ten squats, he suddenly felt a rush of energy. After he finished his squats, he continued and did ten push-ups and then some sit-ups. It turned out to a full body workout. He was surprised, since in the months before he was not able to get one workout done. This time, it just happened naturally.
So, whatever you are trying to start right now, make the first step so easy that you cannot not take it. It will be less threatening to your brain and it will resist doing it less. Yet, you will still gain the benefit of doing it. By repeating it, you will strengthen the neural pathway, which will help make the unfamiliar familiar.
So, think about that task you need to start. What’s one small step you can do easily? Got it? Good, now do it. I’ll wait.
To start building a habit, repetition is needed. Repeat your step every day. If you feel inspired to do more, do more. Once it becomes business as usual, ad another step to it. Then just keep going!
Get Yourself Hooked
There will be days, when you forget to do your daily step or when you loose motivation. The progress might seem so slow and minor, that you need to search for it with a microscope. So, what do you do then?
Well, there’s a couple of things to keep you going. For one, remember to reward yourself. A reward after completing your step will build up the motivation to keep going.
It does not have to be anything big. It can be as simple as a high five, listening to your favorite song, a little victory dance or drinking a hot cup of some delicious tea. Anything that makes you feel good.
Visual clues are also great for triggering and tracking progress. For example, take two bowls, one empty one filled with pearls, coffee beans, paper clips or whatever you have at hand. Every time you complete your step, move one of these from the full bowl to the empty one. This will act as a visual reminder and proof of your progress.
Mike used his calendar on his phone, where he set up a reminder for each day to do the 10 squats. He then got to check each of these off, as he was done with his daily step. Job well done!
Another big topic accountability. Share your intention, goal and the step with someone. It can be your friend, family, a coach or a group online.
Sharing with others will make you more committed to following through. Keep them updated with your progress, celebrate small victories together and seek for support when you hit a rough patch. Sharing your journey with others can make a huge difference!
If you don’t know where to start, share your goal with the small step in the comments here! Keep me and the other readers posted about your progress and your experiences. Get inspired. Cheer each others on and connect with likeminded people. Let’s make this a place for love and support!
Let’s Wrap It Up
Our brains might be preventing us to start a new habit or action, because it’s unfamiliar. To get over this blockage, we need to make the unfamiliar familiar.
This happens by implementing small steps, that are so easy to do you cannot fail. Celebrate the job well done, to provide yourself with an instant reward, which in turn will keep you motivated on putting in the work.
Add a visual clue to track your progress to ensure consistency. This might also act as your trigger, that reminds you of taking action.
Share your goal, steps and progress with others to stay committed and get peer support when needed.
Before you know it, you’ve made the unfamiliar familiar and you have hooked yourself into a new habit, whether it’s training, a new diet, writing reports or anything else you need to get started with.
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