And turning failure into a stepping stone for growth and success instead
Failure is a part of the life’s journey. However, for many, it’s loaded with negative emotions, such as fear and shame.
“What if I fail?” we often ask ourselves. A little question that prevents us from taking action and — worst case scenario — killing our dreams.
We’ve all been there. That job we didn’t apply to, the crush we didn’t ask out, the opportunity we didn’t grasp, or the leap we didn’t take.
The fear of failure is overpowering, so we play it safe. But at what cost?
The Fear is Rooted in Our Past
I still remember a school presentation from 5th grade as if it were yesterday. I had spent hours preparing and rehearsing it by heart, confident that I would nail it.
But the moment I stood up from my seat and started making my way to the front of the class, my heart started beating faster and my palms were sweating.
I began my presentation, but before I knew it, I completely blanked out. Everything I had rehearsed and learned was gone, vanished in thin air.
My voice started trembling as I desperately rambled about anything I could think of.
Shortly after, I felt my face glowing hot and red. At that moment, I just wanted to disappear. I quickly wrapped up my presentation and rushed back to my seat embarrassed and defeated.
This experience was so intense, that I would try my best to avoid presentations and public speaking whenever possible all the way into adulthood.
It was proof that if I tried, I’d fail as I had before. And the emotional rollercoaster attached to this experience — No, thank you!
The fear of failure is often rooted in our past experiences. A project that didn’t pan out, the job you didn’t get, or that one flopped school presentation.
These are all uncomfortable situations packed with negative emotions, such as fear, embarrassment, and shame. In our minds, they serve as proof that we can’t do it, we’re not good enough or it’s not meant for us.
But here’s the thing, those moments aren’t setbacks; they’re setups for something greater. Failure is feedback, not the end of the world.
Turning the Fear of Failure into Success
In my late twenties, I was asked to speak on stage at an opening event for a new start-up hub, representing my employer which had partnered with the facilitator. I tried to get out of it with all the excuses I could think of, with no luck.
I had to face my fear that evening. I had to get up on stage and speak in front of an ocean of unfamiliar faces.
Hours before the event, I felt my stomach turning, my muscles tense, and my breathing shallow. My heart was pounding so hard like it was trying to break free from my chest.
I tried to scribble down words on a piece of paper, but all I could think of was that I would freeze, blank out, and turn into a ripe tomato.
Sometime later, the host joined me for a cup of coffee. He was going over his speech, adding the final tweaks. I could sense that he was getting nervous, too.
He turned to me and asked if I was ready. I confessed, that I was a nervous wreck, but tried to keep the mood light by joking about it. We were in the same boat, trying to encourage and support each other. As we finished our coffees, he added: “Let’s just have fun. It’s going to be great!“
Something shifted in me after that. My energy changed and I tossed the piece of paper in the bin. I realized, that trying to memorize a speech, would not work for me, it hadn’t in the past. It would only contribute to the long list of things that could go wrong.
So I tried a new approach. I focused on some key points I wanted to mention, not so much on how I’d speak about them, let alone try to remember a speech sentence by sentence. Then, I started to hype myself up and repeat in my mind: “I’ve got this, this will be fun!”
A couple hours later it was showtime. The host introduced me and called me to the stage. I walked up the stairs, grabbed a microphone, and entered the spotlight. In my mind, I was still repeating: “I’ve got this, this will be fun!”
I took a deep breath, smiled, and looked into the crowd. The room was packed, all eyes on me. But that was ok — I was ok.
I started talking about the key points as I had planned to. My voice didn’t tremble, I didn’t blank out and I didn’t turn into a ripe tomato. Everything was fine!
And honestly, it felt pretty incredible standing there, talking, and sensing the crowds’ excitement.
Later that evening, several guests approached me, interested in learning more and chatting about business. The evening was a success!
And not only on the business front but also on the personal front. I had faced my fear of failure and turned it into growth. Failure was now only part of the story — not the whole story.
Each stumble is an opportunity to learn, adapt and improve. When things don’t go as planned, it’s a chance to reassess strategies, refine approaches, and come back stronger.
The Secret: Mindset
For many years, I avoided presentations and speeches, because I was afraid of failing. I believed that my past experiences were how it would always going to be.
I was playing it safe and staying in my comfort zone, which also stagnated my personal growth and success. It wasn’t until I was forced to push myself out of my comfort zone, that I understood that failure was not the enemy.
Instead, it was feedback to try something different next time. It was a stepping stone to the next level and served as a reminder that the past doesn’t define our future.
It was a mindset change, that allowed me to excel and break free from the prison of fear.
It was no longer about focusing on what could go wrong, it was about resilience, the ability to bounce back, learn from setbacks, and most importantly — keep moving forward.
The real enemy was my mindset which was stuck in the past and the belief that nothing would change, that I couldn’t change.
The one thing that sets people who thrive despite failures apart, from the ones who become prisoners of their fears, is their mindset.
Good Bye Fear — Hello Growth
Today, I still purposely put myself into uncomfortable situations so I can fail, learn, and try again. It has skyrocketed my growth journey and taken me to places I could not have dreamt of.
The question “What if I fail?” still echoes in my mind, but it no longer controls me. Instead, I refocus and ask myself “What if I succeed?”
This question helps me refocus my attention on the possibility that I will nail it, instead of giving into fear. Furthermore, it allows me to shift my energy from anxiety to excitement. This enables me to tap into the body’s natural response to stress in a way that supports me, instead of putting me into a survival mode.
Unfortunately, these situations don’t always play out as we would hope. Our initial response might be to overanalyze, replay non-stop, or beat ourselves up because of it. When this happens, it’s crucial to turn the event into a lesson learned and find a way to bounce back stronger.
Here are three simple steps to turn your failure into growth:
1. Compassion ❤️
Tell yourself that you did the best you could in that moment. Add any encouragement or compliment that comes to mind.
2. Silver Lining 🌥️
Name one positive thing about this situation or event. It doesn’t matter how small or big.
3. Growth 🚀
Ask yourself: What can I learn from this situation?
The fear of failure might feel overpowering and keep you locked up, but it doesn’t have to be this way. By changing the way we look at failure, we can break the chains holding us down and reach new heights.
Failure is not the final destination. It’s a stepping stone, a learning opportunity, and feedback. They’re gentle nudges that guide us in the right direction so that we can make our dreams a reality.
So, cut your ties with the fear of failure. Take a shot at that job, ask your crush out, or start writing your first article. Do what you couldn’t do before because the fear was stopping you and embrace the growth and success that will follow.
Leave a Reply