Be in the 2% that keep their New Year’s resolution and create lasting change
The year is coming to an end, and for many, it’s a time to reflect on the past year and make plans for the coming one. It’s also the time for New Year’s resolutions to drive change and set goals for the next months.
Yet keeping these New Year’s resolutions can be tricky. According to Forbes, 43% give up in the first two weeks. And only 2% keep their resolutions and create lasting change.
So, how do you keep your New Year’s resolution? For real this time.
There are plenty of guides out there in the world and online, telling you to make a plan, build systems, have accountability partners, and have determination. And that should do the trick.
But for me and many others, these tips helped only so far. Sooner or later it leads to the same result, giving up on our resolutions. And I bet that this has happened to you too.
The thing is, most of the guides miss the most crucial part of creating lasting change in your life. Set meaningful goals and understand how our brains work.
This is why I was urged to write this article. I believe everyone can improve their lives with the right tools and approaches. In this article, I’ll dig into how to set meaningful goals, understand how our brains are wired, and tools that you can use to create lasting change and keep your New Year’s resolution.
Set Meaningful New Year’s Resolutions
Before we jump into how to drive change, let’s look at your New Year’s resolutions.
New Year’s resolutions often revolve around health, finances, relationships, or well-being. And that’s great! Anything that makes you a better version of yourself is an admirable goal. Go for it!
Unfortunately, we often decide on these goals based on what we think we should do, our obligations, and our expectations.
The problem with this approach is, that it immediately sparks the rebel in us. I mean, who wants to be told what to do, right?
Just imagine your wife coming home and telling you to stop playing your video game and help her with the groceries. Your first thought probably is something of the sort: ‘Oh man. I’ll just play one more game’.
Or your dad telling you to clear the driveway from snow. I’m guessing your first reaction won’t be: ‘Yey, that’s what I’ve been waiting for all day!’
If you were anything like me, you’d try to come up with some excuse, like important school work, to get out of it or try to trade it off to your brother.
And the same applies to New Year’s resolutions based on shoulds, obligations, and expectations. Our brain immediately sparks a rebel force within us to fight off the hostile takeover.
This is why we need to set meaningful goals. Ones that we truly want to achieve. And ones that we are willing to work for, even when we hit roadblocks.
Start With Why
This is also the title of a book by Simon Sinek about leadership. The core idea is that leaders who start with ‘Why’ set them apart from the rest of the crowd because of their capability to inspire.
Starting with ‘Why’ enables leaders to share their purpose, cause, or belief behind what they and the business are doing. This approach inspires us to take action, instead of relying on manipulation.
This model can be transferred to an individual level as well. We all need inspiring self-leadership to create lasting change. In other words, we must figure out the ‘Why’ behind our New Year’s resolutions.
Introducing the Five Whys, often used in problem-solving to discover the underlying cause.
The process is quite simple. It begins with stating the problem and asking why this problem exists. The answers are then followed by further why questions. Usually, the root cause is discovered after 3–5 whys.
So let’s apply this to our New Year’s resolution.
- Ask yourself: Why do I want to [enter your resolution here]?
- Then ask yourself again: Why do I want to [enter your answer from the previous question]?
- Repeat this step until you have found your why.
Here’s an example from a friend of mine who tried it:
Why do I want to lose weight?
– To look good next summer when I travel back home to see my family.
Why do I want to look good next summer when I travel to see my family?
– To not be judged or joked about when we go to the beach.
Why do I not want to be judged or joked about when we go to the beach?
– So that I can feel comfortable and confident.
In this example feeling comfortable and confident are the ‘Why’ for losing weight. It is the force for intrinsic motivation and the inspiration for taking action.
“Intrinsic motivation is defined as the doing of an activity for its inherent satisfaction rather than for some separable consequence. When intrinsically motivated, a person is moved to act for the fun or challenge entailed rather than because of external products, pressures, or rewards.” — Ryan and Deci (2000)
If you cannot find a proper ‘Why’ for your resolution, it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to keep it. In this case, consider trying some other New Year’s resolution instead.
The Power of Your Why
As Sinek argues in his book, starting with why creates inspiration to take action. Moreover, it uncovers a source of intrinsic motivation, that we can draw on when we hit the wall.
And let’s face it. Sooner or later that wall will come. It is the perfect excuse to give up on your resolution and the reason so many fail. There’s no way around, over or under it. We have to go through it.
It’s the moment when your goal loses its magic and becomes boring or just a lot of hard work. This is where 98% of people give up.
In these moments we need to remind ourselves of our ‘Why’ and draw on the motivation within us. Use it as the fuel that keeps us going and bulldoze through that brick wall between us and our goals.
Having a strong why also ensures that we don’t make yet another empty promise to ourselves. Instead, it helps us make resolutions that matter and that we are driven to achieve.
Our Brains Are Our Biggest Saboteurs
It’s the first of January and it’s time to implement the changes needed to make our resolutions a reality. You have your goals, made your plan on how to get there, and perhaps even committed to some incentive, an accountability partner, or a system to keep you on track. Great!
But what most How-To’s forget and what causes most of the resolutions to fail, is the brain.
You know, our bodies are highly capable and rather quick to adapt to new circumstances, but our minds are not.
For our brain, any kind of change is unfamiliar, even dangerous. It immediately sets off the alarms and our brains start working hard to turn the ship around and sail back to safe waters.
This is because our brains have not evolved significantly since humans lived in cages. Back then sticking with the familiar meant safety and survival.
Today, most of us don’t have to worry about being chased or eaten by a wild animal when stepping out of the comfort of our homes.
In other words, our minds keep us stuck in our old habits and sabotage our best efforts to create lasting change. What makes it more tricky, is that most of the time we don’t even notice it.
Brain vs. New Year’s Resolution
Let’s say you start a new workout routine.
Day 1: You grab your gym bag and jug down some pre-workout. Full of determination and energy you head over to the gym.
Your brain notices the change in routine and raises a concern: “Yo, this is not what we usually do on a Saturday morning. You could hurt yourself at the gym. Let’s just get back home and watch some Netflix as usual. It’s familiar and safe.”
It’s day 1, so you’re still motivated to keep your New Year’s resolution and able to dismiss the concern and the temptation to relax. Brain 0 — New Year’s Resolution 1.
Day 25: Time to head to the gym. You’re tired, had a stressful day at work, and just sat down on the couch, just for a minute, before heading out again.
Your brain is still unfamiliar with the new routine and starts listing reasons to skip your workout today: “I’m exhausted. A workout will make me even more tired and my muscles will be sore tomorrow. I could just skip this one time and stay home and watch a nice movie. It’ll make me feel better.”
Sounds pretty reasonable right? So, you stay home and get comfortable. Brain 1 — New Year’s Resolution 1.
The next day, skipping the workout seems even more tempting. No sore muscles, the comfort of your home, and the wonderful world of movies are a much better option than going to the gym. On top of that, your brain is not blasting the alarms and putting up a fight. Brain 2 — New Year’s Resolution 1.
A couple weeks later, going to the gym is an occasional thing and there goes your New Year’s resolution. And the Brain takes the win!
How Do You Beat the Brain?
Firstly, understanding that our brains are trying to keep us safe by sticking to the old and familiar, is already a huge win. After all most of the time, we don’t even notice when it’s happening.
So, be gentle to yourself. Change is difficult. And when you feel like failing or giving up, it is not the lack of motivation or determination. It’s also not a sign of laziness or inability. More likely, it’s your brain putting up a good fight.
Change also takes time and repetition. James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, writes that it takes 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic. This is where the advice from the usual How-To’s comes in. Use systems, accountability partners, and incentives to stay on track.
Secondly, silence the alarms.
Since the brain is wired to keep us safe by sticking to the familiar, anything out of the ordinary will set off the alarms immediately. So, we need a way to trick our brain into believing it’s safe even when doing things differently.
How do we do this? We play. Simply telling our brains that we are playing, shuts down the alarms. Playing is considered safe. It’s not perceived as a threat, thus it doesn’t trigger the warning system as it would normally.
Let’s jump back to day 25: Time to hit the gym. You have zero motivation or energy to work out. Your brain is signaling to stay at home and watch a movie instead.
Step 1: Understand that change is hard. Someday’s are more difficult than others. It’s not that you cannot do it, rather your brain trying to keep you stuck in your old habits.
Step 2: Turn off the alarms. Tell yourself: “Let me play a game called Future Super Fit Me. I’ll pretend to be the future me, with my six-pack, confidence, and good looks. I love spending time at the gym and tuning my muscles. I’ll just go play for half an hour at the gym.”
Get Familiar With Your New Routine
It’s time to steal a page from every athlete’s playbook. Athletes prepare by visualizing the perfect game, race, or competition. And I don’t mean just the victory part. They visualize performing every move to the smallest detail in perfection.
Why? This helps them to train and strengthen the neural pathways, prepare them to perform to the highest level, and close the gap between mental and physical training.
“Studies have shown that when athletes visualize themselves executing their skills flawlessly, it can significantly improve their physical performance. This phenomenon is rooted in the brain’s ability to stimulate the same neural pathways used during actual physical execution, merely through the process of visualization. Essentially, the brain does not distinguish between vividly imagined and real experiences, allowing athletes to enhance their skills and confidence without physical exertion.” — Joe Puentes, Psy.D
And it works! I used this technique back when I was competing in figure skating. Every season we had to learn a new routine and new moves. In addition to our training sessions, I would listen to the music and visualize the routine, performing each move to perfection in my mind.
And the results were astonishing. I learned the new routine in no time. Additionally, it helped me perfect the moves and nail them on ice. During competitions, I didn’t miss a beat, the moves were sharp as razor blades and my performance was top-notch.
Don’t believe me? Then try it yourself!
Try to visualize performing all the actions required to make your New Year’s resolution a reality. Aim to focus on as many details as possible with all your senses. See yourself performing the act to perfection.
Then take a moment to celebrate your perfect performance, remind yourself of your why, and visualize how achieving your goal will affect your life. Feel all the emotions that arise and get inspired by them.
Repeat this visualization as often as you like. Use it whenever you struggle to find motivation or when in doubt. It will make the actions familiar and calm the alarms.
Nail You Resolutions For 2025
Become the 2% that keep their New Year’s resolution and create lasting change. Set meaningful New Year’s resolutions and don’t let the secret saboteur derail you.
Let your ‘Why’ spark the inspiration and motivation to take action. Remind yourself of it frequently and whenever you’re hitting a rough patch. Be the leader you need to take yourself to the next level.
Remember, our brains are wired to keep us safe. Safe means sticking to the familiar. Unfortunately, this is the thing keeping us stuck in our old ways. It will put on a fight and blast the alarms whenever we do something unfamiliar.
So, trick the brain into believing it is safe, by telling it that you’re just playing. Over time and by repetition new habits will become familiar and automatic. But until then, don’t let the secret saboteur fool you!
Last but not least, steal a page from every athlete’s playbook and supercharge your progress. Visualize your actions, habits, and success in every detail. Perform it to perfection, involve all your senses, and feel all the emotions.
With these steps, you’ll become the person you admire to be and have a head start to making your New Year’s resolution a reality. Make 2025 a year of change and rock it!
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